I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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