is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
