i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
