I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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