god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
