i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
