Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
