Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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