Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
