guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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