I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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