Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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