Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
