My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Pants are for mortals
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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