i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i drank out of a bidet.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize