She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
