i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
