1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
