You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
