I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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