Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
