You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
