It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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