Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i've created a new STD.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
