dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
