So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
