so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He did a backflip because drugs
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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