do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
