if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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