Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
