we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
