What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize