Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
