I must be too annoying 4 u.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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