I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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