Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
