i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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