Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
