just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
