Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
