Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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