I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
