I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
