ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
