the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
they need to just BURY HIM!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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