i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
