her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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