How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
