just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
