you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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