i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
