New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
