There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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