If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize