Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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