...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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