I'm drive I can fine osifer
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
