next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My dick has a subreddit
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
