im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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