Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
