She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Couch. On fire.
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