Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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