I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
