I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
