my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
